Possessive Characters In A Romance By Callie Carmen
As a romance writer and reader, occasionally I come across possessive characters. At first, they may seem charming, but often they turn into the type that smothers their partner. I read an article recently titled, “7 Signs Your Partner Is Possessive & What Experts Say To Do About It” by Carolyn Steber. The article got me thinking about my past and present relationships with men and about the characters in my Risking Love series published with BVS. Going through the seven steps I realized that I had dated someone that was very possessive and at the time I didn’t even realize it.
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They Stop By To Visit Unexpectedly.
While I was out with my friends at a dance club or out to dinner my ex used to show up either on his own or with a group of his friends. I thought how nice he missed me. I was a college student and living at home. My father took to calling that gentlemen ‘Rover.’ He said, ‘He follows you everywhere like a puppy. He even follows you to the bathroom door.’ My ex would stop by my house with flowers so often that my father said to him, ‘What good are flowers? You can’t eat them.’ That was the last time that he gave me flowers. Instead, he switched to vinyl albums. I had to ask him to stop after the first few. After reading the article I wondered if he was giving me gifts so he’d have an excuse to stop by unexpectedly to check up on me.
In my first novel Patrick, the heroine Jaq, dates a possessive man that ends up being a serial killer. He believed that she belonged to him and if he couldn’t have her, then no one could.
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They Said “I Love You” Really Quickly
This one made me giggle. I couldn’t tell you how many romance novels I’ve read where the hero and heroine said, “I love you,” after a few dates. The love at first sight is common in love stories. The trick is for the main characters to have enough conflict in their new relationship to make the true love seem real.
In my novel, Nicolas, falls in love with Carlie the first night they met. She needs convincing and thinks he moves way too fast for her liking. Hmm, maybe my beloved Dr. Nicolas was too possessive, and I didn’t even realize it. Lol.
The article claims that when “I love you,” is said too soon it is considered a red flag and that most possessive partners express love within the first few weeks. This made me laugh not just because of Nicolas but because of my relationship with my husband. We both fell in love the night we met and within two weeks we said, “I love you,” and were talking about marriage to each other someday. We’ve been happily married over thirty-years, so it looks like we were right.
So writers keep those love at first sight stories coming. Show the desire, passion, conflict, and love. Make us all believers that not all the early birds are possessive.
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They Pout When You Need Some Space
The article describes a partner that takes this issue of space so far that they pout over simple things. Even things like not wanting to watch a show with you or pouting when you want to go to bed early.
In my novel Anthony, Tessa had the opposite problem with Tony. She couldn’t get the man to even call her to ask her out. He gave Tess a little too much space.
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They Need To Know Your Schedule
Many couples share their schedule, but some take it too far and want to know where you’ll be every minute of the day. Poor Olivia in the novel Nicolas had that problem with her boyfriend and it didn’t end well for them. Writers if you want to make a character that’s hard to like you could make them control their partner’s schedule. It may be endearing at first but it would get old fast.
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They Want To Spend All Their Free Time With You
In the article, they explain that someone who is emotionally healthy doesn’t ‘need’ to see their partner every moment and they value their time doing other things. They also want their significant other to value their own time. Seeing friends on their own or having their own hobbies not just clinging to their partner.
In the Risking Love series there are six strong female characters. Each of them have their own careers, friends, and interests separate from the men in their lives. For instance, if Joseph in book three wanted Violet to give up reading romance novels she’d most likely tell him, “Don’t let the door hit you in the bum on the way out.”
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They Text You All Day Long
It’s nice when a couple is dating and they check in with a text to ask, “How’s your day going.” But too often could feel suffocating and may even cause problems with an employer.
In my book, Joshua, which is coming out this fall, he is overseas on an ex-pat assignment. Bella, the heroine couldn’t wait to hear from Josh as he only did face-time with her once or twice a week. During those calls they talked for hours which was a wonderful way to get to know each other better. However, if he called everyday expecting to talk for hours, it would have been overkill and would have interfered with her personal life. Unless the character is possessive, the couple should be able to find a happy medium.
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They Share Too Much On Social Media
This is a great blog article, Callie! Thank you for sharing the signs of a possessive character. It made me think about healthy vs unhealthy relationships.
Hi Estelle,
I’m glad you found it interesting. I found the 7 signs interesting too.
Callie
This was interesting to read. There’s a fine line between possessiveness and dangerous. Every single person needs to have a well-honed “creep” radar to weed out the latter. I recently read the book, “The Gift of Fear.” It did an excellent job of teaching how.
Loved reading this, Callie, and also love your work!
Gibby,
Thank you. I was hoping writers like you would find it enjoyable. I love your book too.
Have a lovely day.
Callie
Fascinating article Callie. And something to think about when writing romantic characters!
Hi Alice,
I enjoyed reading the 7 steps too. Made me think about ways to fit some of them into my stories. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Callie
Great blog article! And so true. Who isn’t flattered in the beginning of a new relationship when they get constant attention? But I think even when we start to see signs that the relationship is going sideways, we tend to drag our feet before we officially end it, thinking, for example, well if I don’t return his calls or if I ignore his text messages, he’ll get the hint that I don’t like him and go away. In his mind, he probably thinks you are just playing hard to get. Loved Patrick!
Hi Suzanne,
Yes, true and it took me three years with Rover.
Thank you loved your intense “Brute and I” romance too.
Callie
Wonderful post! I need a character like this in one of my books!
Hi Viola,
Yes, that would be great. You would do them justice.
Thank you,
Callie
Great blog, Callie,
I dated a very possessive guy when I was in high school. Not only possessive, but controlling. Needless to say that didn’t last long.
Hi Carol,
You were smarter than I was. Although, mine back then wasn’t controlling too nice. He was for sure a possessive. Glad you enjoyed the blog.
Thank you,
Callie
Controlling dates are a sure warning sign to get out of the relationship fast. Don’t let them trap you into marriage.