I love Twitter! In fact I love social media in general. Someone on a blog somewhere…sorry I can’t remember which one it’s been a couple of months back…compared social media and all the links to great articles and blog posts and useful information passed through social media to standing in a stream catching the useful tidbits that float by carried by the currents. I do find that a very apt description. I log onto Twitter and Facebook and Pinterest usually just to see what’s going on. Most of the time there will be goodies floating in the current…a useful blog post on characterization…or book recommendations…links to free books…whatever.
Today’s topic Dealbreakers comes from a Twitter link posted by @BDSMblogs – The link links to Literary Wenches a blog owned by someone in a poly-amorous relationship. The focus of the Dealbreakers post at Literary Wenches is what would be dealbreakers in this real person’s real-life poly-amorous relationships.
However, it bears thinking about in a literary sense too. As writers and readers we all have our own internal dealbreakers lists of character traits and character actions that are dealbreakers for us.
In traditional (non-menage) romance the hero or heroine being sexually involved with someone other than their love interest would be a dealbreaker for a lot of readers and is a place that a lot of authors will not go or will go only with a good set-up.
In BDSM romance the use of safewords is an absolute must for some readers. For others safewords aren’t of much importance but there are other dealbreakers…a dom sharing his sub for example…might be a hard limit or a dealbreaker for some characters and/or some readers while it might be something anticipated by another character or reader.
When it comes to menage romances the traditional one man and one woman romance goes out the window in favor of romantic and sexual relationships between more characters…often two heroes and a heroine…sometimes more than two heroes and a heroine. Sometimes a combination of multiple heroines and heroes.
When we erase the dealbreaker zones common in traditional romance it leaves a lot of uncharted territory as to what the new dealbreaker zones are in new genres of romance that as a genre overstep the dealbreaker zones.
I think we all have dealbreaker zones in our real lives and in what we will accept from our fictional characters.
I have pretty broad dealbreaker zones…though as in real life…I like my characters to treat each other with fairness. This comes up for me a lot when I read BDSM romance or domestic discipline novels. If a hero is going to punish a heroine he better have a good, solid, fair reason for doing it. Otherwise my fair meter clicks into overdrive and I am immediately thinking he deserves a taste of his own medicine and I hope he gets it. 
For me fairness is a dealbreaker. Heroes and heroines need to be fair to each other…or they need to acknowledge that they are not being fair and are indeed playing…which can be fun.
Safewords for me are not a big deal. I believe anytime someone says no it should be interpreted as no. Period. The only time this is not the case is if the characters have talked about it before and have arrived at other safewords or have elected to play without safewords. A hero not stopping at no or not stopping at a safeword is a big dealbreaker for me.
In the post at Literary Wenches dishonesty and covering up are discussed…and those would be dealbreakers for me too…both in fiction and in real life.
What about you? What are some of your dealbreakers in romantic fiction. What actions, words, or traits can you just not tolerate in your fictional heroes or heroines? What acts are forgivable? Which ones are totally unforgivable?
Can you think of any occasions when you’ve forgiven a character who did something on your dealbreaker list?
Cheating is a #1 deal breaker for me, and I won’t buy a book that involves it. I just can never develop respect for a hero or heroine who had done this to someone they say they love.
Now, language is also a tough one for me… gratuitous cursing just for the sake of cursing turns me off too. I understand needing some rough language to help set the stage in a bar or something, or the occasional statement during a sex act, but not tons of it just for the sake of it.
I agree with you on both fronts. Cheating is just not romantic. And like you…I find it impossible to trust someone who cheats…my mindset is sort of if they’ve done it once… It’s a dealbreaker for me.
I’m more lenient on language. I don’t like gratuitous cursing…but then again…the language needs to match the character and the setting. It’s a different kind of a character that says “That’s a load of horse shit” vs. “Poppycock!”
However…that said…I’ve passed on books I was ready to buy because the curse words were so numerous in the sample. Course language does not equal erotic.
Cheating and lying are big problems for me. Tricking someone into a relationship or love is a big no no for me. I agree on the profanity as well. If it fits the character than it is fine but putting it in for no reason and over using it is a turn off. I also want a story not just gratuitous sex. I have read stories where it seems that the plot was added or written around the sex as if they just wanted to fill the space between sex scenes.
I agree Gabrielle. I’ve read a fair number in which it seems there is little or no plot…or as you said…as if the plot was added as a means to string together the sex scenes.
I agree…cheating and lying are big problems for me too. It’s one of the problems I generally have with books that fall into the realm of revenge romances. Most of the time they involve one character tricking the other into a relationship-making them fall in love so they can pull the rug out and get revenge for some perceived slight. That’s a pretty nasty thing to do to someone…and is hard to see beyond…which makes that a difficult plot in general for me. I’ve seen it work…but it’s a tough one.
I agree with Mary, too much profanity gets tiresome, also too much explicit sex.
Though I LOVE erotic romance I know what you mean about too much explicit sex. It’s kind of like…a piece of chocolate cake with rich gooey frosting is good. But half a chocolate cake is too much.
When the explicit sex overwhelms the story I find myself skimming the sex scene to get back to the meat of the story…even though I like explicit sex scenes…like erotic romance as a genre.
For me it’s about the balance of sex scenes to other story driving content.
Hi Laurie,
I like your chocolate cake analogy! YUM! But I also agree that when there is too much explicit sex in a book, it ceases to be erotic (or erotica) and becomes porn. It really does need to be balanced.
Other comments about excessive foul language. When it seems like every other word from the mouths of the characters is ‘F’ this or ‘F’ that…I get a little bored with it. While I don’t mind using those word and hearing them or reading them, my mother always told me, and I quote: “If you can’t talk without swearing, you have nothing to say.”
Good point! I like your mother’s quote.
I think there are times (and people) for whom the f word comes pretty natural. And in some cases it would seem unusual to have a character not use it. If I had a character in the ghetto surrounded by gang members I wouldn’t have him say “Oh fudge!” It wouldn’t fit who he is…his upbringing…or his background.
I agree…erotic romance and erotica to a lesser degree have plot – story. Porn generally doesn’t have a plot – or not much of one. In porn plot exists only to facilitate the sex.
I generally like erotic romance – don’t care as much for straight erotica and don’t care much at all for porn. I like the plot…the story…characters who think and feel. It makes the sex scenes meaningful when the characters are engaged emotionally as well.
I can forgive characters most things. It’s fiction after all.
I think I only have one major deal breaker & that’s the use of excessive profanity. It just annoys me if overused. The C word I loathe in particular.
I agree. I don’t like profanity that doesn’t fit with the book or characters.
I remember one book that I was ready to buy a couple of years ago. The cover was BEAUTIFUL and had done its job of drawing me in. I had my credit card out…I was ready to buy the book…but I happened to scroll down to the excerpt where the heroine was using the f word every other sentence. This was NOT a sex scene…it was just casual conversation at a bar. It was such a turn off. I put my credit card away, didn’t buy the book, and haven’t really looked at any others by that author…even though she’s a pretty well known author in erotic romance.